pyojeol | kenos inbox

[YOU MEAN ONLY EUSTACE?]

If you're gonna bother me, then at least make sense. Who exactly did I send?

[conveniently forgets about eustace]

[ THAT'S SO MANY PEOPLE ]

Don't play stupid. He already told me everything.

[ No, he didn't. ]

[she'd believe dokja if he didn't have a history of LYING TO HER and if eustace didn't have lips of steel,]

You're the stupid one. You think that guy exists just to do what I tell him to?

[also, she didn't think he'd remember and do it]

[ ... Damn, she has a point.

But also no, she doesn't. Because Eustace isn't the sort of person to just check up on people? Especially not Dokja?? ]

Well, you must have put the subconscious thought in his head.

[ That's gotta be it. ]

[SHE'S GETTING A HEADACHE]

If that worked, then you'd have handed me all your money and made me leader a long time ago.

[normally, she'd fire off a 'yeah i told him that you're always dying somewhere and he wanted to know if i was right', but that's not actually what she said and she refuses to give Dokja more ammunition to ignore what's staring him STRAIGHT IN THE FACE,]

Maybe he just saw your dumb face and wanted to talk to you. Is that so hard to believe?

[ Is this a real question. ]

... Yes?

[OH MY GOD!!!!

there's a long stretch of silence, and thanks to the communion, something faintly murderous.]

You're so stupid. Stupid face. Idiot Kim Dokja. Squid for brains.

[ He's glad he's not near her because it feels like she would be smacking him right now. ]

What the hell? [ MOVING ALONG. ] Anyway, stop talking about me to other people.

[yeah she'd pretzel him into bits

also the fact that he's moving on just makes her madder. something something she doesn't know how gay dokja and eustace are for each other but obviously there are SOME kind of FRIENDLY-TYPE FEELINGS between them, or at least ACQUAINTANCE LEVEL, because they keep getting tangled up with other and owing each other life debts or whatever and Sooyoung can't believe that Dokja continues to be this ignorant and stupid about the concept of someone looking after him, except she can believe the exact reason why Dokja is this way and thinking of that just hurts her and makes her sad, so to avoid that --]

Shut up! [MIND YELLING] You think I want to talk about you to your boyfriend?!

[ FLINCHES AT THE YELLING and is so caught off by the sudden burst of anger that it takes a second for his brain to catch up with his ears. ]

... My...?

[ WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!! ]

He's not my boyfriend!?

[ WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU HAN SOOYOUNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ]

You're the one who keeps making out with him!!

[ACCUSINGLY]

[ Why does she know about that WHY DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT THAT ]

That was because of the pollen!

[this is for the conversation they'll have in the future when eustace and dokja do the deed,]

Whatever!

[HMPH!!! don't just use the pollen trope against her]

The point is -- I didn't tell him to go and check up on you, just that it's easier to be around someone who knows what you went through, since you've never bothered to tell me anything.

[and that she thought dokja needed to look at the face of someone he doesn't feel crippling guilt for. funnily enough, that sentiment doesn't stop her from trying to guilt him now -- a twist of resentment lining her voice, escaping her without her permission.]

[ Aah. Dokja's struck dumb by that, immediately falling quiet while he withdraws in on himself. It's true that he hasn't been open and honest with Han Sooyoung or Yoo Joonghyuk, but it's like he can't bring himself to get close.

He's already hurt them enough, and by convincing himself to keep his distance, he was hoping to... what? Keep them safe? Protected? Sooyoung had already died once almost as soon as she'd arrived in an attempt to help Dokja, and he can't forget that.

A painful heaviness settles over their Communion, dark thoughts intruding to sneak their way into every crevice of Dokja's already weakened self as he hones in on that resentment laced tone directed his way, and he

pulls back. ]

Sorry. [ That's all he can offer. ] I have something to do. I'll talk to you later, okay?

[She could have handled that better, said that better, done any number of things to avoid the heavy pit of guilt blooming in her chest -- or maybe not. she's never had the delicate touch of yoo sangah, or even that forthright honesty of yoo joonghyuk. all she's ever had is her own stubbornness and her persistent anger, eternally bullheaded. she's left too much unsaid from the start, so is it any surprise that it's gotten to this point?

...she could do it. she could say it. she could let every feeling spill out from her without having to be threatened by the point of joonghyuk's blade, she could do it now without thinking of dokja's feelings on the subject, she could trample ahead without caring about what he wants.

"He said he didn't want to be saved."

and yet they had tried that anyway.]

Am I a kid or something? You don't have to make excuses to me. [she'd rather Dokja got angry, or tell her that he never wanted to talk to her again.

anything besides this. she keeps it all contained, even though it's too late. even though she's given him enough reason to blame himself.]

Do whatever you want.

[ It's a miserable feedback loop is what this is. Once again, Dokja is reminded of how much he hates Communions for their ability to knock down walls and expose the person on the other side, vulnerable and as fragile as the day they were born. This time is no exception, the raw, unfiltered emotions that Sooyoung experiences sinking Dokja deeper into the depths of his own guilt.

And what a dark, dark hole that is.

What can he do in this case? Han Sooyoung, the reason for any meager shred of happiness he's ever experienced in his life at the cost of her everything. For an existence as worthless as his own.

No. Worse than that.

An existence that has proven itself time and time again to only be capable of harming the very people he had stupidly allowed himself to love.

There's no verbal response on his end. Just a quiet acceptance to close this conversation, which he then does. ]

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